“OH MY GOSH NO”! That was all I could scream after I pulled the trigger. I saw the only person I ever had a real and true connection with lying on the floor in a pool of blood on the ground. I raced to his body and fell to my knees in such shock that I had actually pulled the trigger and killed him. His body was beginning to get cold, there was blood everywhere, and he was barely breathing. I never thought I would become this person after all the things I’ve been through with him, I just couldn’t believe this.

This all began about a few days ago a little after Christmas and New Years was right around the corner. My father made a huge run of crime during this time from robbery to things I couldn’t even imagine. My father was always living in trouble doing things that may not have been right, but felt necessary to help his family. He would always told me “Daina sometimes you have to make choices that may not always be the right thing to do, but remember you have to survive and that’s all that matters”. That’s my father Tommy Brooks, he’s always been such a hustler when it came to taking care of his family. He has taught me so much about having a strong mental state living out here in Chicago. At the age of twelve I was already a pro at shooting a nine millimeter gun, and knew how to hide it away from others properly. Now I know this is not normally what parents should be teaching their children, but this was my reality and I had to deal with this. My father was not the one to be messed with what so ever, because I have seen him do some foul things to people, but he’s my dad and I can’t help but be there for him since he’s always been there for me.

My family has not always been the most connected in such a long time ever since my mother passed away two years ago due to suicide. That by far was the hardest day of my life because I found her body along with a letter she wrote saying:

“Daina I love you so much and I know this will not be easy for you to read, but I am just so sad and sick of what life has become for our family. I wanted to tell you guys, but I could never get the words out that I was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer, and that I am tired of being sick, I am ready to come home”

After finding her body and that letter, life has never really been the same for me. I felt abandoned by her I became so angry realizing that she felt her only way out was to take her own life. She put an unbearable and irreplaceable hole in my heart that can never be fixed because of that. I honestly think that is why I can’t really trust and believe wholeheartedly that people will always be there for me because of my mother. This is why I hold my dad so close to my heart because he is all that I have at the end of the day.

I was walking to the store on Monday because I know we needed some food for tonight so I needed to make this quick. I walked into the Whole Foods quietly and walked all the way to the back of the store to the bread aisle, I had my bag with me and quickly shoved the bread into it along with some turkey and cheese. As soon as I put just enough food in my bag I was on my way to leave then I accidentally bumped into someone and all the food spilled out my bag. I stood still for a few seconds then looked up and it was this guy; he had smooth chocolate skin, bright brown eyes, and the brightest teeth and he said “excuse me”, within the next five seconds I ran out of the store in great fear. As soon as I got far enough I just went on my way to the house thinking how much food I just lost. When I finally got home I heard my dad screaming and yelling on the phone saying “YOU THINK I’M PLAYING, BUT I’M NOT”! My dad has always been hot tempered with everyone he conducted business with, but today was so different it was like someone really did him dirty.

I started walking to my room and all of a sudden I saw my dad load up his gun and try to storm out, I then grabbed him screaming “DADDY PLEASE CAN YOU STOP TRYING TO KILL ALL THE TIME PLEASE”! He immediately got angry and pushed me down and slapped me saying “ALL OF THIS I DO FOR YOU, DON’T YOU EVER FORGET THAT”! I was in so much shock that he just put his hands on me that I ran out just to get some air. Trying to cool off from everything that just happened I walked to the library because that’s where I usually go to think. I walked in and went to the poetry section looking for something to take my mind off everything when I accidentally tripped over someone's foot almost falling until I felt someone catch me saying “ Oh my gosh I’m so sorry”. I looked up and noticed it was that boy from the grocery store. I was in such shock because I never thought I would ever see him again and I knew running would be pointless. “I’m sorry I should’ve watched where I was going” I said fearfully. He looked at me for a little bit and started to dig in his bag then pulled out the food I dropped earlier and said “Hey you don’t need to steal anymore okay, I can help you”. I was so shocked and happy at the same time that someone had ever said that to me. “My name is Jeremy” as he stuck his hand out for a handshake “Daina” I replied. “I see you like poetry”, as he noticed the book of poems I picked up he seemed so interested in what I was reading he sat down and talked to me for about two hours. I had never been so happy to actually connect with someone like that. I noticed how late it was getting and started to get ready to go when he offered to drive me home and I let him. The car ride was so chill and nice because I was able to be myself around Jeremy. When we finally got to my house he gave me his number and said “If you ever need anything just call me”. I tried so hard not to blush, so I said “Thanks for the ride” and noticed my dad looking out the window. I walked into the house hearing “So I see you brought a new sucker over to get the royal treatment” my dad said with such evilness and hate. Usually I don’t get bothered when he plots on people, but Jeremy was different. “Dad I don’t want you to hurt this one please” I said, Immediately he snatched me saying “LITTLE GIRL I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT AS LONG AS YOU'RE STAYING WITH ME YOU UNDERSTAND”?!

This was a side of my dad I had never seen before and I did not like the sight of this at all. My father just looked at me with so much anger like I did something to him and said “Since you want to try to protect your new friend I’m gonna show him how it goes down around”! I just screamed “DADDY STOP THIS ISN’T YOU STOP”! He then pushed me away grabbed his gun and followed Jeremy. I had to think fast and grab my gun because my father was scaring me and I felt as if I had no other choice at this point. I soon thought about what my father always taught me about doing the wrong thing may not always be right, but it's for your survival and protection, I never thought he would be the one I had to protect myself from.

To Be continued….